Why I Hate Christmas

Before I go further, I should clarify: I don't hate Christmas. Not per se.

However, there are a number of things I can't abide. Let me describe them and you may see why so many people think I hate Christmas.

1) Rampant Consumerism. Buying things for the sake of buying things is stupid. It puts unnecessary strain on natural resources, and creates a shameful amount of waste (most of which can't be easily recycled, reused, reclaimed, or broken down into environmentally benign substances). Gift giving is great if it's meaningful, creates a long-lasting memory, or if the gift solves a real need. But that kind of gift giving doesn't need a holiday.

2) Social Obligation. I hate the idea that you should do things simply because "everyone does it" or because that's what you're "supposed" to do, regardless of the inherent value in the behavior or whether it honors my values. I would rather get no gifts at all (Christmas, my birthday, etc.) than receive something that's got strings attached. If I see something that I think would be a perfect gift for someone, and I feel moved to purchase that item and give it in the spirit of a gift, I will do so. If you want to give me something, and you're pretty sure I'll like it or use it, feel free. But being forced to give isn't giving. I don't like Secret Santa, gift exchange games—whether you're allowed to steal or not—or any other artificial form of "you must give gifts to people you don't feel like giving gifts to."

3) Religious Privilege. Christianity has been forcing others to play along with their version of events since Emperor Constantine made it the de facto religion of the Roman Emprie in 312 CE. Since that time, the western world has suffered from the use of military, economic, social, religious, and legal pressure to conform or suffer. As such, Christianity has a privileged position in western culture. For any reader not familiar with the concept of privilege, it's the ease and benefit one gets by being a member of a group, versus the difficulty in not being part of the group. To see an example of modern-day Christian privilege includes the unfounded "suspicions" that President Obama is a Muslim. If Christianity wasn't privileged, it would be a non-issue whether he was or wasn't. Just in December, there are the following non-Christian celebrations: Bodhi Day, Dongzhi Festival, Soyal, Solstice/Yule, Yaldā, Pancha Ganapati, Kwanzaa, Watch Night/Hogmanay/New Year's Eve, and often Hanukkah. And that's not to mention the non-Christian celebrations that were co-opted by the spread of Christianity and therefore no longer celebrated as a direct result of Christian privilege: Mōdraniht, Saturnalia, and Dies Natalis Solis Invicti. And yet many Christians are of the opinion that if you even acknowledge that there are other holidays, you hate Christians, Christianity, and have declared "war on Christmas." No, that's not a war on Christmas, it's just being realistic that Christmas is only one of a wide variety of holidays that other people might be celebrating. But insisting that people say "Merry Christmas," or that they thank you for doing so and/or say it back, is a war on anything and anyone outside of the privileged group.

4) Historical Inaccuracy. The "reason for the season" is decidedly not the birth of Jesus. First, the historical figure, if the Bible is to be believed (speaking of religious privilege, why is it okay in English not to put "Bible" in italics like other all other book titles?) was born some time in the spring. Why? A number of reasons, including that shepherds don't watch their flocks by night in the winter, and there has been some intense debate about when the real date might be, with a range of guesses from late March to early May, and another cluster of guesses in October/November. Also, there were (as mentioned above) a number of non-Christian holidays around the time of December 25th, and it was a useful tool to create a Christian holiday to gobble them up, and perhaps not coincidentally, it was within decade or two of Constantine's wholesale conversion of the Roman Empire that the first claims of December 25th came about. Another aspect of historical inaccuracy at this time of year that gets my goat is the idea that it's an age-old tradition to celebrate Christmas. Well, the Romans did a bit. But in the 1600s, all that was brought to an end because the Puritans in particular felt it was wrong to celebrate the profane, earthly birth of Jesus' body instead of the more holy and divine part that one celebrated at Easter. The English Parliament actually outlawed the celebration of Christmas from 1647 to 1660. In Boston, it was outlawed from 1659 to 1681. It wasn't until the mid-1800s that the celebration became popular—in part because of the popularity of Charles Dickens' stories. Our modern Christmas, then, has more to do with Victorian ghost stories than it does with the actual birth of Jesus. Oh, and new this year: people thinking that the "Twelve Days of Christmas" are the days leading up to Christmas, not the span of days between the Christmas celebrations of western Christendom and the Christmas of the eastern tradition (or between Christmas and Epiphany, if you want to stick to the western tradition).

4) Required Celebration Conformity. I can't stand it when other people think that because they like something, it's absolutely beyond belief that I might not. In some ways this is like the social obligation piece, but goes further. It's embodied in comments like, "Oh, but you have to like looking at all the lights, right?" or "But the music is the best part of Christmas!" or "Hey, here's a cup of holiday cheer!" The Christmas season seem to be all about making everyone else celebrate in the same way that you do. Compulsory fun! You must drink liquor! You must like shopping! You must decorate a tree and put up a wreath! You must go to the office party! Anything else means that you must hate Christmas. Or that you're a Scrooge. (See? There's that Dickens and Christmas connection again) Or that people just haven't been cheerful enough at you. Anyway, if you don't celebrate the way I celebrate, there must be something wrong with you.

5) Oversaturation of Bad Music. Play something else occasionally. If there's something that really gets me ready to rage-quit Christmas, it's the damned music everywhere, all the time. Also, "Away in a Manger" is perhaps my least favorite song in the world. But in general, I dislike most of the 20th-century Christmas songs. I'd like to go into a store some time in December and hear something other than this drivel.

5) Small Talk. I had to add this one because it's December 26th. I just had to listen to two women sitting behind me on the bus talking about Christmas. The whole way. Over 30 minutes of talk about Christmas, and none of the talk improved the world in any way. Descriptions of how the cat dealt with the ribbons. A list of every gift she got every member of the family and how each was received. How each member of the family was related to one another. A list of what she was given. What they ate. How full they felt after they ate. For goodness sake, if everyone spent as much time and effort thinking about achieving "peace on earth" as they do talking about the minutiae of their personal Christmas celebration, there would be no war. Christmas is over. Move on. And don't start with it until at least after Krampusnacht next year. And don't think it's a good topic to engage with me about.

But there are things I like about this time of year. I like the winter solstice. I like the cold and the dark. I like quiet. I like the very occasional, single-color (blue or white, preferably), tasteful light display. I like a some songs—particularly the older ones like Coventry Carol or Adeste Fideles. I like good food. I like reflection on the previous year (not in the media's "Top Stories of 2013" style, but just thinking about how things are different now than they were, for good or ill). I enjoy tiny, slightly predictable surprises like "What's in my Christmas stocking?" Frankly, I also like an extra day off, even if it is a Federal observance of a religious holiday (there's that Christian privilege again...no other religions get their holy days set aside as a day off by Federal decree). I like spending time with my partner, and every once in a while, with one or two close friends. And I like being given stuff if it's given in the right spirit.

But there's so little of all that at Christmas time that I get very, very cranky. I don't have anything against Christmas per se, but a lot against the way other people try to force me to be, act, and do with regards to the holiday. But if Christmas were to vanish (or be outlawed again), I'd mostly just mourn the loss of a day off work. Because it will still be a time for cold, and dark, and quiet...to be reflective, make good food, and spend time with (actual, not society-sanctioned obligatory) loved ones.